Practical advice for parents on self-harm

​What is self-harm?​

Self-harm is when somebody does something on purpose to cause injury or harm to themselves. 

This could be:

• burning or cutting skin
• hitting themselves 
• hitting walls
• overdosing
• scratching
• hair pulling

Self-harm is more common in adolescents as it’s thought to be linked to the physical and emotional changes during this time, eg relationships and body development. 

Self-harm is not a mental health problem, nor is it attention seeking, but it could be a way of asking for help. 

Why people self-harm​

There are a number of contributors, but it could be down to:

• the person not feeling valued 
• stress
• being unable to manage feelings 
• unhappiness 

Signs of emotional distress and self-harming​​

The following signs may be seen before a person begins to self-harm:

• changes in eating and sleeping patterns
• increasing social isolation or withdrawal 
• changes in activity levels
• changes in general mood
• lowering of academic achievement / work performance 
• variable school / work attendance and punctuality 
• expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or hopelessness 

The following signs may indicate possible self-harm:

• talking or joking about self-harm 
• evidence of alcohol or drugs misuse
• changes in physical appearance 
• changes in clothing style, eg always wearing long sleeves 

What to do if you think someone is self-harming

If you think someone could be self-harming, you should:

• never judge
• keep an open mind 
• talk through the problems
• offer to find out where they can get help and offer to go with them
• respect their feelings 
• respect their wishes around privacy

If you feel there’s a danger of serious harm, it’s crucial that you act to intervene. Take the person to your GP or Accident and Emergency Department. 

Support for supporters​​

If you know someone who is involved in supporting a person who is self-harming, help them to:

• manage the emotional demands 
• keep a safe boundary between acting responsibly and taking responsibility 
• decide when to tell others about the situation 
• find sources of help 

If you’re supporting someone who self-harms, you should talk through your concerns and ask for advice from others. You don’t need to name the person unless it’s agreed that they’re at risk of immediate and significant harm to themselves. 

Organisations that can help with your child’s emotional health

Watch video on parents' experiences ​of self harm and get advice and support on the Health Talk wesbite